


He hurts too, you know?

by magicalcookie664



Category: Free!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Hazuki Nagisa/Ryuugazaki Rei, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kissing, Nagisa being Nagisa, Nagisa hurts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-04-30
Packaged: 2021-02-23 00:55:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23936455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magicalcookie664/pseuds/magicalcookie664
Summary: It seems impossible, Rei muses, surely Nagisa must become sad sometimes, right?
Relationships: Hazuki Nagisa & Ryuugazaki Rei, Hazuki Nagisa/Ryuugazaki Rei, reigisa
Comments: 1
Kudos: 60





	He hurts too, you know?

**Author's Note:**

> I've been in the fandom for nearly two years, but this is my first Free! fic.
> 
> Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm.

Nagisa is always happy. He's always smiling, laughing, jumping up and down in excitement as he waves his arms about the place, deafening exclamations falling from his mouth. In fact, he's so exponentially happy it almost appears too good to be true. It seems impossible, Rei muses, surely Nagisa must become sad sometimes, right? He never seems to, however. He's continuously elated, perpetually giggling, grinning, his bright eyes shining with glorious positivity. Nagisa is Rei's little mystery, a mystery he may never solve. 

He's experienced many sleep overs with Nagisa since they first became friends. The first time was a little awkward, but Nagisa seemed to surpass that barrier with ease, his outgoing adorable nature making him automatically likeable, despite how stubborn Rei was initially. Nagisa is addicting, he drew Rei in with his cute little face, high pitched voice and heartwarming giggles. Rei finds himself by Nagisa's side almost all of the time, his fingers lacing within those of his closest friend. 

Slowly, gently, almost beautifully, Rei began to fall in love. He fell for that wide smile, those shining eyes, that melodic voice he can't go a day without hearing. He fell for every brush of hands, every lingering gaze, every corny joke. He fell and he fell silently. He's now memorised each of Nagisa's expressions. He's now able to tell exactly how the other is feeling just by a glance. He's now able to read Nagisa like a book. He begins to notice the dips in Nagisa's mood, catch his wandering gaze glaze over with the suggestion of tears. He's now able to see how wrong he was initially. Nagisa is not always happy - of course he isn't- that would be impossible. 

He's now seen him cry, seen him shout, seen him panic, seen him fix Rei with dead unfeeling eyes that chill him to the bone. It's painful, if he's honest. It's painful to see the tears pour down Nagisa's cheeks, see the pain glimmering in his eyes, watch him breakdown without being able to do anything. The thing is, it reassures Rei a little. No one can be perfectly happy all of the time, not even Nagisa, his own personal ray of sunshine. 

Nagisa hurts. He knows this when he holds the other close at night, rubbing his back as he sobs. He knows this when the blond looks at the ground with glistening eyes and forces a smile. He knows this when they argue, screaming at each other for all it's worth until the tears come. He knows this when he holds Nagisa's hands in his own and counts to 100, the sound of his voice able to calm the other's mounting panic. He knows this when he kisses his boyfriend and tastes salt on his lips. 

So when Rei arrives at Nagisa's house and finds him curled into a ball in the corner of the room, he approaches with care. He wraps his arms around his boyfriend and hugs him tightly, pressing gentle kisses to his temple. He brushes soft hair out of tear filled eyes and whispers quiet words of comfort under his breath. He watches as Nagisa clings to him, presses his face into his shirt and sobs. 

So when Rei finds scars on Nagisa's thighs he breaches the topic gently. He sits the other down, a hot chocolate set on the table for each of them and talks to him. He listens to him, makes him feel heard, wanted, loved. And, Nagisa being Nagisa, does it all in return. 

When Nagisa pops over to Rei's place and finds him stressing over studying, or perfecting his form in another stroke, or that stupid test he only got a B+ on instead of an A, he slinks his arms around his boyfriend's waist and hugs him. He drags him into the living room so they can watch a movie, or head outside for a run, slip into the kitchen to bake. He provides beautiful distractions for Rei when they are needed and be does it with perfection, with exquisite knowledge of the other, of their needs, wants, fears and feelings. 

When Rei exhausts himself with sleepless nights of prolonged studying and practising, Nagisa drags him to bed with a sympathetic smile and a twinkle in his eye. He snuggles against Rei's chest, presses light kisses against his shirt. It makes Rei smile, makes him fall in love with this crazy boy all over again and again and again. 

When they argue and fall out, all hell breaks loose. Nagisa retreats to the confines of his room and sobs, tries his best not to relapse or do something he'll regret. Rei disappears to the library for a while, loses himself in the books he finds so much easier to understand. They never stay this way for long though, barely able to function without the other near. Sometimes they apologise at the same time, sad expressions morphing into humoured grins as their words align. 

When Nagisa relapses, returns to Rei with skin littered with bleeding lines, he's never mad. He bandages his boyfriend's wounds and pulls him into a delicate hug. He tells Nagisa he is loved very much, tells him that relapsing is okay, that it's okay to mess up, alright not to be happy all the time. Nagisa then usually responds with excited promises of marriage as he wipes the still fresh tears from his cheeks. Rei is never sure whether he's joking or not, though he knows he'd say yes regardless. 

When he was younger, Rei never thought he'd fall in love, never thought he'd find a friend, let alone a best friend or a boyfriend. He'd always scoffed at the idea of feeling anything but negativity towards other people. He's transitioned from an outsider to a member of the human race. He never thought someone like Nagisa would want to be friends with someone like him. Now, as they sit by the side of the pool, feet submerged in the water and hands intertwined, Rei believes he's solved this little mystery of his.


End file.
